Bringing Sexy back

Sex offers many physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits, but quickly drops to the bottom of the priority list for many women. SexiBliss workshops help recapture the thrill, writes Leslie Foster.


Perhaps you’ve been married a while. Now you have children. You get up, go through the morning rush, head off to work, make dinner, do laundry, tidy the house, go to bed and get up and do it all over again. You race from activity to activity, trying to fit everything in.

You feel tired … exhausted, really. Sex is the furthest thing from your mind. You don’t feel sexy. You just want to go to sleep.

What we often fail to remember are the many benefits of sex. Sex is fun. Sex is good for us and for our relationship.

We live in a culture where many expectations are established around sex, like how we should look, act and feel.

We get conflicting messages, because, as SexiBliss sexual educator Emily Walsh explains, “We live in a polarized culture that both glorifies and condemns sex. We feel guilty if we don’t match up to society’s ideal of what sexy should look like.”

For new moms, libido is low due to fluctuations in hormones. Extra effort is required to get the spark back.

It really comes down to mindset – assuming there are no underlying medical issues.

Sex is often placed at the very bottom of our priority list, says Walsh. “How many of us can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex in a month? How many have begun to think of their partner as a roommate or business partner instead of a romantic lover?”

“How many of us think of sex as a chore, or something we ‘owe’ our partner, as opposed to something we do for ourselves? We’ve lost touch with the thrill of sex.”

SexiBliss is a series of workshops to help women and couples feel sexy again and recapture the incredible feelings you had when you first met and you couldn’t
keep your hands off of each other.

Marie-Claire Thauvette, also a sexual educator at SexiBliss, says sex has a number of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefits:
The chemicals released during sex and orgasm help boost our immune systems, contribute to clear healthy skin, help us to sleep more soundly and combat heart disease and some forms of cancer.

Mentally, sex clears our minds and helps us to re-energize and focus.

Sex allows us to feel more deeply connected to our bodies and our partners.

And an added bonus – sex burns calories.

So how do we rediscover the spark and invite the fun of sex back into our relationship?

Walsh and Thauvette suggest clearing anything that may be hindering us from enjoying our sexuality to the fullest, with the biggest inhibitors being stress and body image.

Thauvette has counselled people in stress management and says this can be a significant hindrance to feeling sexy and enjoying sex.

Body image is another significant block for women. The body we have is the body we have, she says. We can accept it and love it for what it is, or choose to change.

Thauvette also suggests women figure out what really satisfies them sexually, and asking for it.

It’s easier to have a fulfilling sex life with your partner if you know what you like.

“Masturbation is the best way to discover what works for your body, what feels best, and how to have orgasms,” says Walsh. Women also need to be willing to try new things.

Thauvette says many moms are tired from having to do much of the housework, so a creative idea to incent their mates to tidy the toys before bed would be to suggest that it will give her a bit of time to slip into “something more comfortable.”

Thauvette also suggests to “take time for you as a couple; trade babysitting with a neighbour if you have to. Get excited while you organize your sex getaway. Let the sexual energy build.”

One of the most valuable gifts we can give ourselves is to invest time and effort in our sex life. It spills over into other areas of our life.

Rekindling your flame takes work and determination, but it’s worth it to ensure a lasting relationship. Redefine sexy on your terms. Make intimacy with your partner a priority.

Remember, it will make you a better mother!

Learn more about SexiBliss workshops at

Photo: © Maria Gabriela Medina