Motherhood doesn’t have to be all work and no play. Whether you’re looking to spice up things with your partner, or parenting solo, all moms deserve to tap into – and reconnect with – their sexual side.
News flash: moms actually do enjoy sex. And why shouldn’t we? It relieves tension and stress, is great for our overall health, can help with better sleep, provides a youthful glow, helps with menstrual symptoms, and the list goes on and on.
And many of us have been using sex toys for years. But others have never used a sex toy and maybe figured they never would. But there are many reasons why, if you’ve never explored using toys, you might want to give it a try.
“I am thankful we live in the technological age,” says Sue McGarvie of The Ottawa Sex Therapy and Libido Clinic, a sex and relationship therapist, columnist and talk show host. “Sex toys just speed up the process. And we all know that busy moms are looking for time-saving measures.”
She says many don’t realize that only 30-per-cent of women reach orgasm from intercourse. The rest need direct clitoral stimulation.
“Toys help us reach orgasm, feel sexually satisfied, and we are more likely to engage in future sex if we have a great sexual experience.”
McGarvie says the Ottawa-based and developed We-Vibe offers products that help couples achieve orgasm together during intercourse. Or the We-Vibe touch can offer effective, gentle clitoral stimulation.
“An inexpensive toy like the bullet is discreet (in case your mother-in-law goes through your sock drawer).”
The benefits of regular orgasm are tremendous, says McGarvie.
“Bodies want to orgasm. It relieves tension in our hips, puts us in a better mood and makes partners feel like they are pleasing us.
“A quick, necessary orgasm (either alone or with someone else) can help us find our equilibrium. It also tightens up vaginal muscles after childbirth and encourages fertility.”
And no, she says, using a sex toy will not make us less sensitive.
“I do believe in the adage of ‘use it or lose it.’ Sexual needs are a real drive. And listening to our bodies when we want to grab our favourite vibrator and climax ensures that we are the sexual beings we are meant to be.”
And Shelley Taylor, sex educator and owner of Venus Envy (venusenvy.ca), an Ottawa educational sex shop and book store, offers tips for moms who are thinking about toys.
“First off, I would say get something quiet! Some toys can be really noisy, and even if the kids can’t actually hear the toy running, if you’re really aware of the noise it’s making, it’s going to be harder to relax.
“After that, there’s a huge variety of toys that a person can choose from, and that goes the same for moms. There are toys that are built for various sensitive bits all over the body, and some that can be used only externally (think clits, thighs, penis), and others that can be used in the vagina, anus, and often externally as well.”
Taylor says toys are a fantastic way to play alone or with a partner, and a vibrator can make orgasm so much easier and sometimes bigger, too.
“So if you’re short on time, or just need to get off and go to sleep, a little bit of lube and a vibe could help get you to that goal quickly and with a smile on your face.”
And for busy, overworked parents, using a toy can increase pleasure, as well as intimacy and make the little time you have together just that much more fun.
“Good sex thrives on feeling wanted and that can be a difficult feeling to share when one or both of you are tired and stressed,” she says.
“Adding a lubricant, a toy, and/or some dirty books or movies can help you remember how much fun you two can have together, even for a few minutes here and there.”
Taylor offered some quick tips about sex toys:
Vibrators: great for stimulating any sensitive spots, choose something with multiple speeds since everyone likes different things in a vibrator. There’s a huge variety available; some of the best would be made of medical grade silicone (easy to clean!) and are rechargeable like a cell phone, so they’re ready to go at a moment’s notice. Reliable brands include Fun Factory, Lelo, We-vibe and
Jimmy Jane. Vibrators come in a million shapes; decide if you want something compact for external-only use, or something longer that can be used inside and out. Also, some of those internal toys are curved for g-spot play too, as a bonus!
Dildos: These toys are made for vaginal and/or anal penetration and come in lots of different shapes and materials. At Venus Envy, we mostly sell dildos made out of medical grade silicone for ease of cleaning. Someone might choose a dildo if they find vibration annoying, but they aren’t used as often as vibrators, partly because what a lot of women are missing is clit stimulation and a
dildo can’t give you that. Also, if you have a vibrator, you always have the option to use it in “off” mode.
Butt toys: The anal opening and canal can be a pleasurable place to play with for some women, but not so much for others. Like all things sexual, everyone is different and enjoys different things. If you’re interested in anal play, a small butt plug or anal beads and lots of lubricant, as well as taking things slow and everything feeling really comfy are the keys to safe and fun anal play! Remember that the rectum is an “open” system, unlike the vagina and anything that goes into your bum has to be either attached to a human, or have a base or flange on it.
Don’t forget lubricant! These are our very favourite sex toys! And especially for someone who might be feeling tender after giving birth, or who is lubricating less because of breastfeeding or other hormonal changes. Some things to keep in mind: avoid lubes that have sugar or glycerin in them if you’re prone to yeast over growth (and women who have recently given birth are more prone to having an imbalance in the vagina’s ph levels). Lately, lots of people have been avoiding parabens in their lube too; some good brands to check out would be Blossom Organics, Hathor, Yes, and Sliquid Organics. 
Photo: depositphotos.com © AndreyPopov
Photo: depositphotos.com © Semenchenko