You can care for others and yourself: Club sandwich

The number of adults responsible for both their young families and aging parents is increasing every year. Are you a member of the sandwich generation?

Editor’s Note: This story was a part of the series You can do it, which ran in the Spring 2026 issue.

Photo Credit Depositphotos

She was raising her 10-year-old while being a caregiver to both of her parents.

“I had friends who got it and others who didn’t,” says Misia McCallum, program manager at the Dementia Society of Ottawa and Renfrew County. “It was something that most of my friends had never experienced.”

Misia McCallum. Photo Courtesy Misia McCallum

But McCallum says that being part of the sandwich generation is something many members of the Dementia Society can relate to. They understand the push and pull of being a caregiver to aging parents or an aging relative.

“My parents were in Kingston,” says McCallum, “so there was a lot of planning involved. Often, you have to make last-minute decisions and hope that you made a good choice.” McCallum says she is lucky her workplace was flexible and understood her challenges. “We were also going through a move when I was providing care for my parents,” she says. “Often I felt really torn because I wanted to be there for them, but I didn’t want to miss out on family time with our son. It was tough.”

McCallum says that dealing with her own parents provided a different perspective on being a caregiver.

Two vantage points

“Even though I work at the Dementia Society, I was seeing the journey from the other side,” McCallum says. The Dementia Society helps people connect with others and validates what they are doing.

“Just knowing that you are not alone on the journey and that others have experienced what you are going through being a caregiver is reassuring,” says McCallum. “We’re there to provide support and say, ‘you can do it.’”

Brad Hammond, manager of the Community Support Services Team with Western Ottawa Community Resource Centre has also lived the caregiver experience.

Brad Hammond. Photo Credit Natalie Harrison

“It can be very stressful emotionally,” says Hammond. “I think the hardest thing for middle-aged adults is realizing that they are now in the parenting role. It’s hard on the entire family.”

Hammond says it’s not just about caregiving. There is also an emotional aspect and the family dynamics change. The Western Ottawa Community Resource Centre (WOCRC) focuses on caregivers who are providing support for individuals with cognitive impairment. “This is going to be an ongoing issue,” he says, “At the centre we’re seeing more diagnoses of dementia and at a younger age. And we have an aging population.”

Hammond says the centre provides an opportunity for a break for caregivers with their adult day programs, other social programs and caregivers’ support. The programs bring people together so they can realize that they are not alone. “Our caregivers support program lets caregivers socialize and connect,” says Hammond.

WOCRC’s adult day program and social programs also provide an opportunity for those with dementia to still be part of the community with physical exercise programs, virtual and telephone programs, a diner’s program and an activity café program to help reduce social isolation. It offers Meals on Wheels and transportation services to assist individuals to be able to age within their homes and community cafés provide opportunities for discussion.

Help for caregivers

Hammond understands how isolating being a caregiver can be. WOCRC provides a lifeline in the community.

As a caregiver support group leader at WOCRC, Heidi Wieler sees it all in the groups she leads.

Heidi Wieler. Photo Credit Heidi Wieler

“It’s no surprise that caregivers burn out,” says Wieler. “Many of them are trying to juggle financial burdens, physical and emotional strain, family conflict, stress from taking time off work on top of feelings of guilt while still trying to be a good and comforting caregiver for an aging parent(s) or relative.” Weiler says that the support group focuses on creating a space for conversations, sharing experiences, and providing mutual support. And as Weiler points out, no two caregiver experiences are alike.

“Some caregivers are supporting an older spouse, while others might be coping with aging parents and trying to juggle family time with younger children,” says Wieler. “No matter what your situation, you’re still trying to meet everyone’s needs.”

Support is out there

She says that caregivers have to take time to care for themselves. And she knows from experience that that’s easier said than done.

“Find support,” says Wieler. “There are many resource centres like WOCRC in the city that offer transportation services, grocery delivery and social groups.” Wieler echoes Brad Hammond in that as the population ages and people live longer, there are going to be more challenges facing caregivers.

“What if you’re estranged from parents and yet they need caregiver support?” Amy Friesen, founder, CEO and eldercare specialist at Tea & Toast has seen many families who have no contact with aging parents but then end up in a crisis and now feel the pressure to be caregivers.

Amy Friesen. Photo Credit Robin at Unposed

“I’ve seen many of the sandwich generation end up in a crisis situation,” says Friesen. “They’re working full-time, they have kids and then suddenly a parent needs to be taken care of but there’s no plan in place. And often any kind of conversation hasn’t happened because the elder parent doesn’t want to talk about it. It can be a disaster.”

There can also be a mental health or dementia-related crisis that arises which in turn makes things even more complicated. “Many families think they will be able to find placement for higher-care needs quickly, but it’s becoming increasingly more difficult,” says Friesen. “There are backlogs in both long-term care and retirement homes.”

She also sees an even older demographic taking care of parents well into their 80s. “People are living longer, so [age] 60-plus [adult] children could be caregivers for their 80- or 90-year-old parent,” says Friesen. “That can be overwhelming, especially if there are strained family dynamics, but there’s still that sense of responsibility.”

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