When her youngest son left for school outside of Ontario, our Happiness Formula columnist willed herself not to be overprotective. It’s paid off
Your little one may be anxious about beginning school for the first time. You, on the other hand, may be happy they will be meeting new friends and have learning opportunities — not to mention some ease in finding free time for yourself. Conversely, you may feel suddenly abandoned, or miss the time spent together before daycare/school entered the picture.
All situations vary and no two parents are alike, nor are two kids alike for that matter. Since your relationship with your child is unique, the changes and responses to these life changes will be unique.
I was thrilled when all three sons got off to school. I had been a stay-at-home mom and relished the idea of finally going to the washroom without being interrupted — inevitably over some crisis that had the uncanny timing of erupting just as nature was calling. A number of my mom friends cried when their little ones waved from the bus window the first time or so. Though their reaction differed from mine, I understood why they responded as they did.
My most heartbreaking feelings about saying goodbye and being away from my sons occurred years later when my youngest went to a private high school out of province. He was struggling with school and needed a more hands-on approach: a smaller class size, greater emphasis on physical activity, one-on-one mentoring and monitoring. Logically, it was a good solution but emotionally, it was difficult to let go and have him move away and not see him for days. I willed myself not to call and ingratiate myself; overprotective was the last thing I wanted to be. His independence and personal maturation mattered most. My maternal feelings had to come second for this phase in our respective lives to work.
When I did eventually come, we usually went for pizza in the neighbouring town. The setting was comfortable, making it easy for both of us to relax in each other’s company without getting into dramatics or into interrogation mode. Because these outings were enjoyable, he always called to ask when I’d be coming up. This set the tone for our visits and laid the groundwork for where we are today as mother and son. Incidentally, I have a good rapport with all my sons — based on mutual respect, admiration and love.
There were times when I wanted to come swooning in like a mother bird defending her brood. No question about it! However, I, like the songbird also knew it was crucial to let my sons take the paths they needed to, to grow up into the men they are now. Incidentally my youngest still loves pizza. That, I believe, will never change.
-30-