Parenting Times asked the experts what millennials need to know about aging, but are afraid to ask
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Although millennials still have time, the Age-Friendly Ottawa director with the Council on Aging advises millennials to be “curious about aging.”
“It happens to everyone,” says Bonnie Schroeder, who is also a professor in the Faculty of Social Sciences at the University of Ottawa and instructor in the School of Social Work at Carleton University.
Bonnie Schroeder. Photo Credit: Council on Aging
Schroeder says people frequently get their understanding of aging from the media and social media and it’s often about wellness and beauty.
“Sure, we see these vibrant older women, exercising and being active,” says Schroeder, “but we never see much about actual aging and the decline that does inevitably happen.”
In the courses she teaches, Schroeder gets her students to interview someone who is 30 years older than they are – and it’s often an eyeopener.
“Sixty-five doesn’t seem old anymore,” she says. “Many people will have full productive lives for 20 or 30 years after that. And as I point out to millennials, you’re only a third of the way through your life, so you’ve got lots of time to go.”
Schroeder also points out that many millennials not only have parents, but they also have grandparents and, in more and more instances, great-grandparents.
“You may have to have those conversations with your parents about how they are aging,” says Schroeder, “and you have to do it without judging. They have the right to live the way they want, and they get to make their own decisions.”
Schroeder says people need to have those conversations, and it shouldn’t be when there is a crisis.
“Just be open with each other,” she says, “and even ask your parents what it’s like getting older or whether they have any advice for you as you age.”
Schroeder says as a society, we tend to medicalize aging, but there is more to it than that. Health is only a small part of the aging process, says Schroeder. “There’s the spiritual side as well so we can embrace aging and not fear it. That should be part of the conversation too.”
Laura Tamblyn Watts is the CEO of CanAge, teaches Law and Aging at the University of Toronto and is the author of Let’s Talk About Aging Parents. “I wrote the book to help people have those conversations and still get invited to Sunday dinner,” chuckles Tamblyn Watts. “You can talk about issues with the right information and in the right way.” Tamblyn Watts says the book is not just about parents, but for anyone who is dealing with someone who is aging. “There is a way to have those important conversations,” says Tamblyn Watts, and they have to be ongoing conversations, not just one and done.
Laura Tamblyn Watts. Photo Credit: Andrea Stenson
Tamblyn Watts also says that the conversations are going to be different for each person. “I’ve had completely different conversations with my dad and mom because they both had different perspectives.” The book is divided into 27 chapters and can be used in any order. She has also included scripts and lists.
Let’s Talk About Aging Parents. Photo Courtesy: Laura Tamblyn Watts
“But then there is the nuclear option when needed,” says Tamblyn Watts. “It’s in four chunks when you really have to make some hard decisions.”
The first chunk looks at whether the reader’s parents aging in the right location. For example, stairs aren’t a problem in a home, but falling is. “Did you know that just by putting in a second banister, you can reduce falls by 56 percent?” asks Tamblyn Watts, “and that the mortality rate in the first year after a fall is 24 percent?”
Tamblyn Watts advises going through an older person’s home room by room to see what can be changed. “Could you turn the dining room into a bedroom? Is there a way to turn a powder room into a full bathroom? Ultimately, you might be looking at a retirement home and downsizing and how to get siblings involved.”
The second chunk focuses on issues of dementia and who gets to decide, again involving siblings.
The third delves into emotional issues and relationships that have to be acknowledged. “What if divorced parents have new partners? Or dad has a girlfriend,” says Tamblyn Watts. “Things can get heated and emotional.”
The fourth chunk looks at new technology. “The world is dealing with an aging population,” says Tamblyn Watts. Because the reality is that aging is going to happen to everyone, Tamblyn Watts approached issues with wit and humour, not scolding or making it depressing.
“Remember, sometimes things don’t happen in order. I know of one 95-year-old who is taking care of his 73-year-old son with dementia.”
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